After ending a long term relationship in 2008, I started toying with the idea of getting on a dating website. After many months of having a basic profile, I decided to upgrade to the paid subscription. The first thing I noticed was that there were very few females who identified as atheist, and none of them were black. This didn't surprise me because I am the only black atheist I know. Many black women identified themselves as Christian who were looking for other Christians. I also ran into this phrase while reading their profiles, "He must believe in God or don't contact me..." The market for successful Black Men who are atheists is quite slim. Not surprisingly, my profile did not get a lot of hits. So I tried a different approach. I changed my "faith status" from atheist to spiritual not religious( I don't even know what that really means, but I think it is a catch all phrase to make some people feel good about no longer going to church) Once I made that change, my profile started blowing up, I was getting all types of winks, emails, and IM's from all over the place. Inevitably once I told them that I was faith-free, the conversation would go no further. I enjoyed getting all of the attention, but I wasn't being true to myself. So I put my status back to atheist and my page has become a barren wasteland.
I made a bet with a close relative(who is an ex christian, but more of a deist), that I would not be able to get a date due to my freedom from faith. She believes that women just want a good man, regardless of their beliefs. So far, we both are correct. If it is a person from my past, my faith-free lifestyle really doesn't matter. However, if it's a new person, then it's a BIG deal...often they will give me the polite cold shoulder. I usually don't bring up my humanistic values unless I see potential. It seem like it would be easier for me to say that I have a criminal record than it is for me to say, I just don't believe in your god, or any god for that matter.
I wonder have any of my fellow free thinkers have run into these challenges. I will talk more about dating in future blogs...
I have had some similar experiences in the dating world and two recent "rejections" from men who thought I was wonderful...until they found out I'm an atheist, spurred me on to join numerous atheist groups. I've been an atheist since high school, too. It's quite frustrating and sad that many who purport to "love one another" only love others who share their view of the world. Otherwise, they are labeled as evil and immoral.
ReplyDeleteI thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. I apologize for the extremely late reply. These Christian folks are truly misguided due their religious superiority complex. True humility would show them that there are many paths to follow and that their path is just one.
DeleteAt 33 years of age,atheist and leaving in Uganda,a deeply superstitious Nation,I have failed to find love and am learning how to live with it.
ReplyDeleteI know that Uganda is a fiercely fundamentalist Christian nation. I wish for your safety and you take a stand for reason in your life. I hope that you will discover and have a successful and healthy relationship.
DeleteHi I'm 58 and only been religion free 4 years. My friends still think I'm christian. If they new I'd be isolated. So it's really hard to find men especially my age that are free thinkers.
DeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteI am a black female atheist and very very proud to admit it now! Yes, I'm free too but wow it took a lot to get un-brainwashed, but deep down I always knew there was no god. But now I can't find a good black male atheist anywhere. I live in CA, I'm single, 40ish. Any advice?
Hi Cocopea. It is good to know that there are sistas who no longer are caught under the spell of religion. The best advice that I can give is to network with Black atheists groups in your area and volunteer with progressive organizations where like minded people may be found. I wish you the best, and I apologize for the extremely delayed response.
DeleteIt has been a struggle for me as well on dating sites to find someone who shares my beliefs. I've gotten the whole "Sorry, I only date god fearing Christian women" spiel too many times and it's frustrating. As a black nonbeliever in her late 20s, living in the deep, bible toting south, it's been tough finding love and not being labeled as a bad person. But it's so refreshing to see a black man blog about his journey as an atheist. Thank you for posting!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cristina for visiting my blog, black freethinkers exist, I just happen to be in Detroit ...You are not a bad person, you are special and unique...
DeleteThere's a Facebook group called Black Atheists and another called Black Nonbelievers. Both groups have 5,000+ members. You may meet someone there.
ReplyDelete