Duality of Consciousness

I have many facets to my identity. Here are just a few: Blerd, Afrogeek, Blatheist, or if you prefer, Black Nerd, Black Geek, Black Atheist. I am a non-conforming individual fighting against the religious status quo. At least that's what I would like to think. The reality has much more complexity than it would seem.

I love comic books and the ideas about secret identities and alter egos. I especially like the X-Men. With it's thinly veiled allegory about being "the other" and the challenges that come with it, allow me to insert my experiences into the stories. The "other", referred to in the X-Men by the term mutants, have abilities, powers, and skills that set them apart from everyone else. These folks were born with their powers.

Some mutants look very different from normal humans and have a difficult time with acceptance due to their appearance. Other mutants look like normal humans and can fit in as long as no one discovers that they have powers. Some of the major themes of this comic book are hatred, conformity and discrimination. The mutants are feared and hated by normal humans. The mutants are also discriminated against because normal humans do not see them as equal to them. They view the mutants as rejects or human mistakes.

Any group that doesn't fit into society's accepted boxes can relate to these particular comic book characters and their struggles. I am similar to both kinds of mutants referred to in the previous paragraph. I cannot hide the fact that I am a Black man. People see that and have their preconceived notions about me based on my skin color. However no one would know that I am atheist unless I told them. In that regard, I get to hide my beliefs and suffer no ill consequences as long as I am quiet. I have to wear an intellectual mask around my friends and family to protect myself from the stigma that comes from going against the grain of Christianity. A large majority of my social circle still consists of Evangelical Christians.

As I have written before, the social consequences of going against Christianity in the Black community can be severe. In most major urban areas, Black Evangelical Christians hold key positions of power and authority within the public and private sectors. They are in positions where they have influence over who gets promotions or gets opportunities.

Coming out loud and proud as an atheist could cost me familial relationships, political clout, and a platform to secure an income. I applaud those who are privileged to come out as atheist without many social consequences. Others like myself have to maintain a duality of consciousness as well as an air of secrecy. I have to walk a fine line between upholding my personal integrity and playing the "don't ask, don't tell" game.

It would be nice if I could be judged based on the content of my character and not on the context of my faithlessness. Trying to walk an enlightened path is tough when you want to take the high road, and foolishness from others attempts to bring you down. I realize that Christianity does not play by the rules they so desperately want others to play by when it comes to them.

Hopefully in the near future, I will be able to say that I am a non conformist fighting against the religious status quo. Please understand that I am proud to be an atheist. However until the day comes where I can feel safe being who I am without any masks on, I will continue to hide in plain sight.

Shaming the Successful

In the Black American community, our culture has a definitive Christian undertone to it, due to 400 years of indoctrination and a violent separation from our indigenous African roots. This insidious aspect plays out when it comes to the role of the church in the community. Many in the Black community feel like they could not have made it without God. The narrative of historical oppression spoke of by family members coupled with the reality of racism that shows up in every day life, gives this particular view a life of its own. Songs with these refrains speak to this viewpoint:

"If it had not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be?"
"Never would have made it, never would have made it without You..."

This philosophy, reinforced through Sunday sermons and church Bible classes over generations, uses guilt theology to keep congregants believing this untruth. Ergo, any time a person reaches a particular milestone or accomplishment, they must preface their achievement by thanking God for giving them the ability to succeed. People commonly hear this refrain on award shows and after major sporting events where a Black celebrity achieves something great. Fellow community members become quite critical when a person does not acknowledge God for their success. They rebuke and shame the insolent Black folk who forgot or refuse to give props to God with these common phrases:

"You are getting beside yourself!"
"Don't you forget who you belong to, You belong to God!"

As a result of this, Black Christian people give God the majority of the credit for their success and sprinkle the rest to others who contributed to their endeavor. They take introspective looks at their lives and ascertain that only God made it possible for them to make it out.

This ideology also shows how Black folk identify with the Jewish protagonists in the Old Testament writings. They see themselves as a real life parallel to the oppressed people in the Exodus story. They hear their authentic cries of justice connecting with the cries of the Children of Israel in the Bible stories. The paltry few verses in the Bible that speak to equality and freedom joined with the secular idea of "all men being created equal" became the impetus for a struggle that continues this day.

As a freethinker, I recognize how my cultural heritage got intermingled with Christianity. I am thankful for the realization that I did not get here by myself. I stand on the shoulders of giants. Many people contributed to my success and I am grateful for them all. I now understand that God had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Arguments that Christians use

Arguments that Christians often use to combat criticism against their faith:
(I know all of these very well because I used them in my former Christian life.)

1. It's a Christian Thing, You wouldn't understand.
Example:"The natural man cannot perceive the things of God because God is a spirit and those who worship Him must do it in spirit and truth."

2. The Bible wasn't written for unbelievers. 
Example: "The Bible was written by God through human hands for the saved. Without divine understanding the Bible would appear to contradict itself and not make sense."

3. You are being deceived by the enemy(Satan). 
Example: "Satan is confusing your mind so that you will never see the truth about God's love toward humanity."

4. You are taking the scripture out of context. 
Example: "This verse may say this, but it really means this. When you breakdown the Hebrew and the Greek, you can see the underline meaning."

5.  You don't want to acknowledge the truth. 
Example: "God is showing you mercy, but you are refusing to accept it."

6. You just want to live in sin. 
Example: "You don't want to submit to God because you don't want to give up your sinful lifestyle."

7. You need to let the love of God turn your stony heart to flesh.
Example: "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. That's you and me. God wants to save you and shower his love upon you."

8. In hell, you will lift your eyes.
Example: "You don't to take my word for it, when you stand before the judgment seat of Christ, it will be too late."

9.  I know getting saved can work for you, since it worked for me.
Example: "Look at my life, see how blessed I am, it's the God in me that makes this possible. If you give your life to Christ, this can happen for you too!"

10. You need to be saved for real.
Example: "You think that God is playing with you, but you will find yourself dead, if you don't get serious about living for him. Don't find yourself being counted among the goats."

These approaches take the onus of criticism away from them by challenging you to look at your lifestyle and see how it squares with Christianity. When confronted with these approaches, simply say: "My lifestyle has nothing to do with my criticism of Christianity or the Bible."

Pt.5 Walking away From My Community

I left behind a culture, an identity, a community, and a way of life when I walked away from Christianity.  I thought I was part of a progressive movement designed to help people grow and mature through the power of the good news of Jesus. I spent all of my life defending an institution and religion full of cliques, cliches, and contradictions.

I thought that our version of Christianity would be the one to win the world for Jesus because we were not steeped in any traditions. We were the Joshua generation who had the real and authentic. No longer did people have to settle for the counterfeit demonic secular culture of the world(diabolic mimicry 2.0)We had non-tradtional pastors, celebrities who were not ashamed to speak for the Lord,modern versions of scripture, we had holy hip-hoppers(that's who I was), we were tech savvy, and took the gospel outside of the four walls of the church. We were radicals for Christ.

I became all things to all people that I might save some. For those that used profanity, I would use profanity to reach them. I wanted them to see that the religion of the cross had modern day swag. People would say, "I hate church, and I would say, so do I." I would tell people that we have had enough church and religion, now it's time for Christ and relationship. I would tell them that God doesn't care about you going to church; the church is only a building. Jesus spent his time in the community, not in church. God cares about you getting into real fellowship with him. I truly wanted people to be free and I thought that this freedom only came though Christ Jesus.

Unfortunately, 21st Century Christianity uses the language of freedom without truly allow folks to exercise and practice it. It is still the same repressive religion that it has always been. It has new gloss on it, but the traditional ideas about family, sex, marriage, and lifestyle are the same. This religion also twists the meaning of freedom by telling individuals that being a slave to Christ gives one freedom.

The church that I went to had a saying: "Come as you are to the Lord, but don't stay as you are." The leadership wanted to see people conform to the fundamentalist dogma that the church taught. When folks begin to act free, the powers that be use shame to browbeat the people back into submission. 

Life is indeed more difficult without the support of the church community I came from.  However, to live freely means, to be accountable to yourself for making the most out of your life. No longer do I have to depend on the machinations of a benign or malevolent deity playing chess with my life.

Bonus: Why is it when a person leaves the church, the person is at fault? When will the church assume accountability for leading folks astray and destroying lives?

Wasting your life away waiting...

One of the biggest issues I have with 21st Century Christianity deals with how it focuses on living for the future as opposed to living in the present moment. The doctrine teaches things such as god has a special plan for your life, god will exalt you in due time, if you don't lose heart, your blessing is on the way, keep holding on until your your change comes, god is faithful to his promises.

While a person waits on these supposed promises, they believe that god will come through for them. When he doesn't, they have a built in excuse for god's failure to grant them their request. Christians usually say that god has something better for them or it is not time for them to have this particular blessing yet. These unfortunate souls waste their lives away waiting for future glory as opposed to living in the present. Instead of being passive about their lives, these folks need to be active in living.

For example, if someone desires better employment, they should put themselves in situations which can allow them to network(get help with a revamp of their resume,volunteer, join a professional group, etc.) instead of sitting on the sidelines of life waiting on a god who does not exist to give them something that they can get on their own.

Also, I must mention how some Christians will use the classic scripture about faith without works is dead when it comes to something that they want to do in the present. For things that they know they probably won't get, they go back to the pseudo-promises listed in the first paragraph.

We only have limited time to live before we expire. This time should be used to enjoy life and use our abilities to make it the best that we can. Putting our mental, physical, and emotional resources in a "god who never shows up or shows out", takes away the autonomy to live as we deem best.

Also, I have been gone for awhile, it's good to be back! I will let you know what I have been up to in future posts.