Post Christianity Transformation Pt. 2 Mental

I would like to think of myself as a pretty positive person. I like to surround myself generally around positive people. Ergo, I tend to stay away from negative people. However, here's what interesting: I wasn't always this way. I was a melancholy, self-deprecating, person. I was always one of the most intelligent children in all of my schools but I didn't like the responsibility and attention that came with  that exposure.

Even as a child I had issues with my self image. Although I got messages from church, like "god don't make no junk", and positive messages from my family, my experiences exercised a greater influence on my self perception.

During my preteen years at a predominately Black middle school in Detroit, I got picked on every day because I was one of the smart kids in school. They used to call me "white boy" because they erroneously equated intelligence with skin color. The girls used to call me ugly because I was a little overweight and I wore thick glasses. It didn't help my case that the teacher would point me out and tell the students in my class that they should be more like me.

I internalized all of these negative messages and made them my reality. I was always sad and I kept to myself and I didn't have any friends. No one wanted to be friends with the smart kid, not even other smart kids. Folks kept their distance from me. I felt really alienated and alone.

During this time, I started to spend lots of time at my local library, reading all kinds of books. The books that really got my attention dealt with Greek mythology. I started learning about the Titans, sea monsters, Poseidon, Pandora, Prometheus, and of course, the Pantheon of other Greek gods. Reading this ancient literature took me to a time where gods intervened on behalf of heroes. Foolish humans suffered the wrath of the gods, by stepping out of their ordained place in the cosmos. I absorbed and memorized these stories with the accuracy of an ancient Greek bard reciting the tales over a campfire.

I also attended church regularly and I started to distinguish myself from the other youth in the church by studying and memorizing the scripture with the same degree of attention that I gave to the classic Greek stories. By studying the scripture more and being able to explain it with precision allowed me opportunities to teach others.

This new attention in church made me feel good about god however I still did not feel good about myself. I devoted more time to studying the Word, yet I still felt alone because none of my peers in church cared about the Bible and god like I did.

By the time I got to high school, I still felt really alone and the self loathing became part of my personality. However a light shone on the horizon that gave me a glimmer of hope. That blinding light called puberty, changed my physical appearance, but it did nothing for my mindset. I got a little taller, thinned out, and changed the way I dressed. Before high school, I cared nothing about fashion, all of a sudden, I inundated my parents with requests for name-brand clothing.

By having this self loathing mentality, I could never see how people treated me. I kept believing that everyone in the world would treat me like those kids did in middle school. I lacked confidence in myself in every area except when it came to christianity. That was one area where no one could touch me. However a new struggle would await me.

Before puberty, I really didn't care much about girls or sex. I enjoyed reading, playing outside, and church. Now I had to deal with mixed messages: Messages from my body and messages from the Bible.

I started to become really attracted to girls, but my low self image and lack of confidence kept me from talking to them. This self deprecating became part of my personality. Even when I did successfully approach girl and get them interested, my negative mindset caused me to self sabotage any potential relationship. I justified the self sabotage, by saying that "I have to remain pure for jesus and save myself for marriage."

However I ended up having sex as a teen. Even with my negative self image, I was confident enough to meet someone who liked me and I liked her. After we had sex, I felt great, but super guilty.

I started to think of my natural sex drive as a curse from the devil. I started to pray that god would take it away from me, so I could be a vessel. I continued to excel with the bible teaching and started to feel like I had a special calling on my life. Yet, I totally disliked the fact that I was a sexual creature.

This low image of myself affected me for 21 years or a large portion of my life. This negative outlook  played a role in my career choices, my relationships with people, and unfortunately my former marriage. I was sad most of the time, yet people would come to me for words of encouragement.

I was known in the body of christ as one who always had a "word". I would help and encourage people; their lives would make significant strides but my life would get continually worse. Physician, heal thyself! I would pray to god to take away these negative feelings, yet he never answered those prayers and I was left feeling more sad, more empty.


It wasn't until I started to question my faith that I started to see the dawn of a new day in my life. I am grateful for the professional counseling I received during my divorce that helped me see who I really was. I am also grateful for the countless hours in self-reflection that enabled me to reboot my life.

When I let go of god, I started to feel better and I started to see my sexuality as a natural part of who I am.

As I write these essays, they tell a particular part of what happened as I evolved past christianity and god concepts.  There were so many processes that were occurring, I may never pinpoint everything that took place. What I do know is that I am a positive person today who lives to make the world a better place for those who will come after me.

Things that have a better track record than the gods

People assume that I live my life completely devoid of faith due to my atheist identification. Nothing could be further from the truth. As I stated in another post found here:
http://bit.ly/1u99CYy
I believe in many things. I only lack faith in the supernatural including gods.
Here are things to put your faith in that have a better track record than the gods:

1. that your job will pay you on pay day
2. that your car will start in the morning(if you own a car)
3. that things in your home will be where you left them
4. that the sun will come up in the morning
5. that people are born and die every day
6. that chain restaurant food will taste the same wherever you go
7. that the NFL will play games Sunday
8. that politicians will approve their messages during the campaign season
9. that someone is having sex right now
10. have faith in yourself

The beautiful thing about being an atheist is that I only speak for myself. If another atheist behaves badly, I don't have to speak about it or explain anything.

For example: We are all Americans(or insert your nation here); If a person commits a crime in Omaha, NE(Nebraska), I have no responsibility in explaining or addressing it.
The only thing I and the person who committed the crime have in common is that we are both Americans. Atheists cannot be lumped together because the only thing we share is a lack of belief in gods.

My Phoenix Saga

September 1st 2009:

I recently returned to MI after living a year in the South. I just got a gig teaching social studies, returning me to the classroom after a long hiatus. I was still dealing with the pain of my marriage ending in divorce a year earlier.  I believed that my life, quite ragged and messy, needed to undergo a radical change. I looked in the mirror and did not like the reflection. I knew what had to be done.

I put my entire life under the proverbial microscope and realized that I carried around lots of things, ideas, that did not belong to me. I had various levels of programming that I finally began to see within myself. I did not want to keep that programming intact, ergo I decided to destroy myself and start over again. In other words, I started the process of recreating myself.

Like the story of the phoenix bird that crashed into its nest, completely engulfed in flames, only to be reborn anew, that became my ultimate goal: A total rebirth.

In order to do this I had to bring all of my beliefs into question. I began to reanalyze the hidden motivation behind ideas and thoughts that I held dear. I questioned my ideas about politics, religion, family, career, relationships, finances, fitness, and many other things.

This process, albeit quite difficult and draining, allowed me to see the truth about myself. I severely underachieved in my life because I wanted to conform to what others perceived about me. I was a yes man, doing things to make others happy, but sacrificing my internal voice in the process. The "me" that I dreamed about possessed great strength of character, integrity, and charisma. At times, I would show flashes of that in my life, but I would not have the psychological strength to maintain it. I would go back to my status quo.

In order to live as the man who had great strength of character, integrity, and charisma, I had to clean out my psyche of old ideas and motivations. By doing this, I made room for new goals and dreams to pursue.

A few major things happened, my political philosophies changed because I found ideas that truly fit me. Also my ideas about family, career, relationships, finances and fitness changed. The biggest change came with regards to my faith.

As I have stated before, my whole identity was tied into my Christian faith. People knew me as the scholarly and passionate believer in Jesus. I recognized that I did not get much return on investment for all those years I gave to Christianity. As a result of this process, I abandoned my Christian identity, leaving it on the bookshelf of my past. I discovered that the path of non belief worked better for me.

Five years and a whole lot of growth later, I find myself finally speaking out for reason and skepticism. I also find myself using the time I have on earth to make a positive difference in society.

Pt.5 Walking away From My Community

I left behind a culture, an identity, a community, and a way of life when I walked away from Christianity.  I thought I was part of a progressive movement designed to help people grow and mature through the power of the good news of Jesus. I spent all of my life defending an institution and religion full of cliques, cliches, and contradictions.

I thought that our version of Christianity would be the one to win the world for Jesus because we were not steeped in any traditions. We were the Joshua generation who had the real and authentic. No longer did people have to settle for the counterfeit demonic secular culture of the world(diabolic mimicry 2.0)We had non-tradtional pastors, celebrities who were not ashamed to speak for the Lord,modern versions of scripture, we had holy hip-hoppers(that's who I was), we were tech savvy, and took the gospel outside of the four walls of the church. We were radicals for Christ.

I became all things to all people that I might save some. For those that used profanity, I would use profanity to reach them. I wanted them to see that the religion of the cross had modern day swag. People would say, "I hate church, and I would say, so do I." I would tell people that we have had enough church and religion, now it's time for Christ and relationship. I would tell them that God doesn't care about you going to church; the church is only a building. Jesus spent his time in the community, not in church. God cares about you getting into real fellowship with him. I truly wanted people to be free and I thought that this freedom only came though Christ Jesus.

Unfortunately, 21st Century Christianity uses the language of freedom without truly allow folks to exercise and practice it. It is still the same repressive religion that it has always been. It has new gloss on it, but the traditional ideas about family, sex, marriage, and lifestyle are the same. This religion also twists the meaning of freedom by telling individuals that being a slave to Christ gives one freedom.

The church that I went to had a saying: "Come as you are to the Lord, but don't stay as you are." The leadership wanted to see people conform to the fundamentalist dogma that the church taught. When folks begin to act free, the powers that be use shame to browbeat the people back into submission. 

Life is indeed more difficult without the support of the church community I came from.  However, to live freely means, to be accountable to yourself for making the most out of your life. No longer do I have to depend on the machinations of a benign or malevolent deity playing chess with my life.

Bonus: Why is it when a person leaves the church, the person is at fault? When will the church assume accountability for leading folks astray and destroying lives?

Pt. 2 The Exodus of My Deconversion

As I began to question my faith in Christ, I started to learn more about the world's major religions without any Christian bias clouding what I discovered.

Here are some of the highlights of what I discovered:

1. I learned that the oldest religion in the world is Hinduism.
2. I learned that the religions in the Mesopotamia region and Persia gave us a blueprint for many of the stories that would end up in the Bible.(flood story, Adam and Eve story, Garden of Eden)
3. I learned that the God of the Old Testament was a composite of many of the ancient Canaanite gods(mainly El Shaddai, El Elyon, Adonai, and Yahweh)
4. The OT did not have a concept of hell as eternal damnation or heaven as eternal bliss
5. The Adam and Eve story had a talking snake, but not a Satan
6. Hinduism has many gods which are all a manifestation of Brahma, the ultimate reality
7. Buddhism had its roots in Hinduism, like Christianity did in Judaism
8. Buddhist ideas spread from India into the Hellenic world through interaction with the troops from Alexander the Great
9. Platonic as well as other Greek philosophical ideas influenced Jewish thinkers during this period
10.The oldest vegetation-rising and dying savior god is Asaru(Osiris). His story influenced other stories about vegetation gods and goddesses throughout the Near East, including Jesus
11. The oldest religious cults were based on the divine feminine principle
12. There are only seven Pauline letters that are accepted as genuine, The other letters are thought to be forgeries
13. Generally eastern religions seek god internally and western religions seek god externally
14. There have been people throughout history who have been skeptical of gods and religion
15. I learned that Jesus is a mythical figure based off of various Greek, Egyptian, and Near East gods and goddess

After taking all of this and even more information in, I knew that at best Christianity was a remix of other religions.  I also learned that various concepts about god would change to meet the latest scientific discoveries of the day.  This lasted until scientists and philosophers had the courage to suggest that god wasn't needed to explain natural phenomenon.

I knew that my freedom and deliverance from Christianity came as a result of me actually thinking, challenging my beliefs and not just blindly following what I had been taught. The deprogramming, dismantling and destruction of my old belief system was in full swing.

The Genesis of My Deconversion Pt.1

My journey away from Christianity toward free thought came in phases as theological concepts that I once held as true began to collapse.

It started off simply with questioning the principle of tithing. I remember the scripture in the book of Malachi in the 3rd chapter..."Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings." I took that concept without any questions. I was taught that tithing in the modern era deals with giving 10% of your income. I was never sure if it was gross or net income. As I began going through my process, I decided to investigate tithing for my self. I discovered that the word tithes only appears 21 times in the Bible and in no case does it has to do with money. Tithing deals with produce and farm animals.  I felt a great sense of anger, guilt and dread because I was mislead and mislead others. I began to wonder if there were other errors or misinterpretations that I never questioned.

As I continued this journey,I saw a documentary on the History Channel about the Banned Books of the Bible. I wondered why I had never heard of these books before in church. These banned books had different ideas about the nature of God and the divinity of Jesus. This piqued my curiosity to investigate these texts for myself.

Most of these books were written before the Bible had it's final canonization. There were different gospels like the gospel of Judas, Peter, Philip, and Thomas. This revelation got me to wondering about an odd passage in the book of Jude:

"And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints, To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him."

I never remembered Enoch saying this in the book of Genesis. Where did this scripture quote come from? It came from the book of Enoch, a book that did not make into the final 66 books of the Bible.

I started to investigate further and discovered that the canonical gospels were not the oldest books in the New Testament, the writings of Paul were. Paul's first letter to the church at Thessalonica is the oldest book in the New Testament, written about 30-50 years after supposed crucifixion of Jesus(about 60-80 CE). The dates for the gospels come much later even well into the second century
(80-150 CE). Even the most conservative date estimates put the gospels at least 30 years after the supposed events occurred. The other books in the New Testament fall within the years of 80 CE-150 CE.

How can accuracy be maintained when most of the Roman world was illiterate? This began to bother me. Stories I heard before about God protecting the sanctity of his book throughout history began to ring hallow. I could no longer believe that.

In addition, I started reading books that discussed errors and contradictions in the Bible. I learned that entire passages like Mark 16:9-20 were not included in the oldest manuscripts. Plus there were no original manuscripts of the gospels written in the language that was spoken:Aramaic. There were only copies of copies of copies. The oldest of these copies only dates back to the second century; 100 years after the supposed death of Jesus.

During that same time period, all those countless gospels existed side by side with the ones that would make the final cut. This period of having multiple gospels would go on for another 200 years!

Then I found out that church leaders convened a meeting(4th Century Council of Nicea, in present day Turkey) to decide, among other things, which books would serve as the basis for a codified volume of scripture that would unify the various factions of the churches. So once again, I am supposed to believe that God gave wisdom to the church leaders to pick the books that were divinely inspired. I don't have enough faith for that.

The Gospel of Mark, reported to be the earliest written, did not have a virgin birth narrative. Neither did the Gospel of John the last gospel written among the canonical gospels. Also, Matthew and Luke, which both contained very different virgin birth narratives, borrowed heavily from Mark's Gospel. In addition, the supposed authors of these gospels would have already been dead when these gospels surfaced and they were written in Greek.

I started to ask many questions:How did Matthew know the intimate details of the messiah's birth? Who told him, if only Mary and Joseph were present? Why don't the details of the birth of Jesus match? And why are there four different resurrection account?

For the first time I started reading the Bible through the lens of reason versus the lens of faith. What I saw was a book that were full of stories and accounts that did not always make sense. I learned that the Bible was compiled over many centuries by many different authors, writing to diverse audiences, with various agendas in mind. It was not a cohesive book that came from heaven completed from Genesis to Revelation by the hand of God. It was a very flawed human book, full of errors, fables, and contradictions.

I used to be an avid apologist, defending the word of God and the faith. I knew that I could no longer defend either. My eyes became opened.

Atheism 101 Pt.3 What I Believe

When I started to embrace the word atheist, I began to notice how describing myself with that controversial label stopped dialogue with others. People easily became silent. I thought that folks would engage me in conversation, but they did not. I guess they thought the worst of me and my stance. Who knows?

What I gleaned from those awkward exchanges taught me how important a god concept remains to a large number of people in society. I used those situations to think about what I actually do believe in. My lack of belief in god does not make me an empty person, contrary to popular ideas. I believe in lots of things, just not god or the supernatural.

Here is a list of things I believe in:

1. I believe in the potential of all human beings.
2. I believe in freedom.
3. I believe in regular exercise and maintaining a healthy diet for good health.
4. I believe in now and living in the moment.
5. I believe in democracy.
6. Even after all of the atrocities committed by this country against its citizens and others, I still believe in the ideals of the United States of America.
7. I believe in my family.
8. I believe in having healthy relationships: familial, platonic, romantic.
9. I believe in mutual monogamy.
10. I believe in the Detroit Lions. It may take more faith to believe in them than in jesus.
11. I believe in the resurgence of my hometown, Detroit.
12. I believe that education can open doors for people.
13. I believe that power, authority, wealth, and influence should be used to help improve the lives of others.
14. I believe the arts can touch the psyche of people in a way that allows us to experience the sublime.
15. I believe that my life will have meaning.
16. I believe that when I die, I will simply cease to exist.

These three ideas describe me:
Atheist describes my lack of belief in the supernatural.

Agnostic describes my lack of knowledge in objectively measuring the supernatural.

Humanist describes my faith in humanity solving its problems without the need for perceived supernatural intervention. If we wait on god to fix the problems in the world, they will never get fixed. It is up to us to make the world a better place.

Atheism 101 Pt.2 What is Atheism?

Here are my simple definitions for atheism and agnosticism:

Atheism is a lack of belief in all things supernatural including gods and goddesses.
This definition answers the questions of belief and faith not of knowledge.
Example: Do you believe in god or a higher power?

Agnosticism is a lack of knowledge on whether the supernatural, including gods and goddesses, can be objectively known.
This definition answers the question of if god or other supernatural beings can actually be objectively known.
Example: Do you know if there is a god?

Faith communities who believe that their religion holds the absolute truth are atheistic toward other faith communities. They lack belief in a competing communities religious ideas.

Example: Christians lack belief in the teachings of Islam because their doctrine denies the divinity of Jesus. Christians believe in the divinity of Jesus.

Example two: Muslims lack belief in the teaching of Christianity because their doctrine teaches God as a triune being. Muslims believe in the singleness of God.

However, Christianity and Islam both lack belief in the many gods and goddess of the Hindu religion, personified as Brahma.


Ergo, when folks ask the question, "Do you believe in god? My answer is, I don't know what god you are talking about. People have believed in countless numbers of gods since time immemorial. Which one created the universe?

I believe in now and making the most out of this opportunity in front of me.

Atheism 101 Pt.1 Definitions

I would like to inform you of what atheism is and what it is not along with other useful definitions. Please pay attention the bolded words.

Let's start with some basic definitions:(All definitions from the New American Oxford Dictionary unless otherwise noted)

Belief: an acceptance(emphasis added) that a statement is true or that something exists; something one accepts as true or real; a firmly held opinion(emphasis added) or conviction

Faith: complete trust(emphasis added) or confidence in someone or something; strong belief(emphasis added) in God or in the doctrines of a religion(emphasis added), based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof

Trust: firm belief(emphasis added) in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something; acceptance(emphasis added) of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation(emphasis added)

Religion: belief in and worship(emphasis added) of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods: ideas about the relationship between science and religion

Theism: belief(emphasis added) in the existence of a God or gods, esp. belief in one god as creator of the universe, intervening in it(emphasis added) and sustaining a personal relation to his creatures

Monotheism: the doctrine or belief(emphasis added) that there is only one God

Polytheism: the belief(emphasis added) in or worship of more than one god

Deism: belief(emphasis added) in the existence of a supreme being, specifically of a creator who does not intervene(emphasis added) in the universe

Pantheism: a doctrine that identifies God with the universe, or regards the universe as a manifestation of God

Agnostic: a person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable(emphasis added), or that human knowledge is limited to experience(Dictionary.com)

Skeptic: a person who questions(emphasis added) the validity or authenticity of something purporting to be factual(Dictionary.com)

Unbelief: the state or quality of not believing(emphasis added); incredulity or skepticism, especially in matters of doctrine or religious faith(Dictionary.com)

Atheism: disbelief or lack of belief(emphasis added) in the existence of God or gods

Humanism: an outlook or system of thought(emphasis added) attaching prime importance to human rather than divine or supernatural matters

Theists make a claim of ultimate supernatural authority based on belief without evidence or investigation, atheists deny the claim of supernatural authority based on belief. Atheists require investigation and evidence of supernatural claims because belief is not enough.

Thanks for bearing with me through all of these definitions! I will refer to them in future Atheism 101 posts.