In the Black American community, our culture has a definitive Christian undertone to it, due to 400 years of indoctrination and a violent separation from our indigenous African roots. This insidious aspect plays out when it comes to the role of the church in the community. Many in the Black community feel like they could not have made it without God. The narrative of historical oppression spoke of by family members coupled with the reality of racism that shows up in every day life, gives this particular view a life of its own. Songs with these refrains speak to this viewpoint:
"If it had not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be?"
"Never would have made it, never would have made it without You..."
This philosophy, reinforced through Sunday sermons and church Bible classes over generations, uses guilt theology to keep congregants believing this untruth. Ergo, any time a person reaches a particular milestone or accomplishment, they must preface their achievement by thanking God for giving them the ability to succeed. People commonly hear this refrain on award shows and after major sporting events where a Black celebrity achieves something great. Fellow community members become quite critical when a person does not acknowledge God for their success. They rebuke and shame the insolent Black folk who forgot or refuse to give props to God with these common phrases:
"You are getting beside yourself!"
"Don't you forget who you belong to, You belong to God!"
As a result of this, Black Christian people give God the majority of the credit for their success and sprinkle the rest to others who contributed to their endeavor. They take introspective looks at their lives and ascertain that only God made it possible for them to make it out.
This ideology also shows how Black folk identify with the Jewish protagonists in the Old Testament writings. They see themselves as a real life parallel to the oppressed people in the Exodus story. They hear their authentic cries of justice connecting with the cries of the Children of Israel in the Bible stories. The paltry few verses in the Bible that speak to equality and freedom joined with the secular idea of "all men being created equal" became the impetus for a struggle that continues this day.
As a freethinker, I recognize how my cultural heritage got intermingled with Christianity. I am thankful for the realization that I did not get here by myself. I stand on the shoulders of giants. Many people contributed to my success and I am grateful for them all. I now understand that God had absolutely nothing to do with it.
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Showing posts with label community. Show all posts
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Monday, September 15, 2014
Post Christianity Transformation Pt. 2 Mental
I would like to think of myself as a pretty positive person. I like to surround myself generally around positive people. Ergo, I tend to stay away from negative people. However, here's what interesting: I wasn't always this way. I was a melancholy, self-deprecating, person. I was always one of the most intelligent children in all of my schools but I didn't like the responsibility and attention that came with that exposure.
Even as a child I had issues with my self image. Although I got messages from church, like "god don't make no junk", and positive messages from my family, my experiences exercised a greater influence on my self perception.
During my preteen years at a predominately Black middle school in Detroit, I got picked on every day because I was one of the smart kids in school. They used to call me "white boy" because they erroneously equated intelligence with skin color. The girls used to call me ugly because I was a little overweight and I wore thick glasses. It didn't help my case that the teacher would point me out and tell the students in my class that they should be more like me.
I internalized all of these negative messages and made them my reality. I was always sad and I kept to myself and I didn't have any friends. No one wanted to be friends with the smart kid, not even other smart kids. Folks kept their distance from me. I felt really alienated and alone.
During this time, I started to spend lots of time at my local library, reading all kinds of books. The books that really got my attention dealt with Greek mythology. I started learning about the Titans, sea monsters, Poseidon, Pandora, Prometheus, and of course, the Pantheon of other Greek gods. Reading this ancient literature took me to a time where gods intervened on behalf of heroes. Foolish humans suffered the wrath of the gods, by stepping out of their ordained place in the cosmos. I absorbed and memorized these stories with the accuracy of an ancient Greek bard reciting the tales over a campfire.
I also attended church regularly and I started to distinguish myself from the other youth in the church by studying and memorizing the scripture with the same degree of attention that I gave to the classic Greek stories. By studying the scripture more and being able to explain it with precision allowed me opportunities to teach others.
This new attention in church made me feel good about god however I still did not feel good about myself. I devoted more time to studying the Word, yet I still felt alone because none of my peers in church cared about the Bible and god like I did.
By the time I got to high school, I still felt really alone and the self loathing became part of my personality. However a light shone on the horizon that gave me a glimmer of hope. That blinding light called puberty, changed my physical appearance, but it did nothing for my mindset. I got a little taller, thinned out, and changed the way I dressed. Before high school, I cared nothing about fashion, all of a sudden, I inundated my parents with requests for name-brand clothing.
By having this self loathing mentality, I could never see how people treated me. I kept believing that everyone in the world would treat me like those kids did in middle school. I lacked confidence in myself in every area except when it came to christianity. That was one area where no one could touch me. However a new struggle would await me.
Before puberty, I really didn't care much about girls or sex. I enjoyed reading, playing outside, and church. Now I had to deal with mixed messages: Messages from my body and messages from the Bible.
I started to become really attracted to girls, but my low self image and lack of confidence kept me from talking to them. This self deprecating became part of my personality. Even when I did successfully approach girl and get them interested, my negative mindset caused me to self sabotage any potential relationship. I justified the self sabotage, by saying that "I have to remain pure for jesus and save myself for marriage."
However I ended up having sex as a teen. Even with my negative self image, I was confident enough to meet someone who liked me and I liked her. After we had sex, I felt great, but super guilty.
I started to think of my natural sex drive as a curse from the devil. I started to pray that god would take it away from me, so I could be a vessel. I continued to excel with the bible teaching and started to feel like I had a special calling on my life. Yet, I totally disliked the fact that I was a sexual creature.
This low image of myself affected me for 21 years or a large portion of my life. This negative outlook played a role in my career choices, my relationships with people, and unfortunately my former marriage. I was sad most of the time, yet people would come to me for words of encouragement.
I was known in the body of christ as one who always had a "word". I would help and encourage people; their lives would make significant strides but my life would get continually worse. Physician, heal thyself! I would pray to god to take away these negative feelings, yet he never answered those prayers and I was left feeling more sad, more empty.
It wasn't until I started to question my faith that I started to see the dawn of a new day in my life. I am grateful for the professional counseling I received during my divorce that helped me see who I really was. I am also grateful for the countless hours in self-reflection that enabled me to reboot my life.
When I let go of god, I started to feel better and I started to see my sexuality as a natural part of who I am.
As I write these essays, they tell a particular part of what happened as I evolved past christianity and god concepts. There were so many processes that were occurring, I may never pinpoint everything that took place. What I do know is that I am a positive person today who lives to make the world a better place for those who will come after me.
Even as a child I had issues with my self image. Although I got messages from church, like "god don't make no junk", and positive messages from my family, my experiences exercised a greater influence on my self perception.
During my preteen years at a predominately Black middle school in Detroit, I got picked on every day because I was one of the smart kids in school. They used to call me "white boy" because they erroneously equated intelligence with skin color. The girls used to call me ugly because I was a little overweight and I wore thick glasses. It didn't help my case that the teacher would point me out and tell the students in my class that they should be more like me.
I internalized all of these negative messages and made them my reality. I was always sad and I kept to myself and I didn't have any friends. No one wanted to be friends with the smart kid, not even other smart kids. Folks kept their distance from me. I felt really alienated and alone.
During this time, I started to spend lots of time at my local library, reading all kinds of books. The books that really got my attention dealt with Greek mythology. I started learning about the Titans, sea monsters, Poseidon, Pandora, Prometheus, and of course, the Pantheon of other Greek gods. Reading this ancient literature took me to a time where gods intervened on behalf of heroes. Foolish humans suffered the wrath of the gods, by stepping out of their ordained place in the cosmos. I absorbed and memorized these stories with the accuracy of an ancient Greek bard reciting the tales over a campfire.
I also attended church regularly and I started to distinguish myself from the other youth in the church by studying and memorizing the scripture with the same degree of attention that I gave to the classic Greek stories. By studying the scripture more and being able to explain it with precision allowed me opportunities to teach others.
This new attention in church made me feel good about god however I still did not feel good about myself. I devoted more time to studying the Word, yet I still felt alone because none of my peers in church cared about the Bible and god like I did.
By the time I got to high school, I still felt really alone and the self loathing became part of my personality. However a light shone on the horizon that gave me a glimmer of hope. That blinding light called puberty, changed my physical appearance, but it did nothing for my mindset. I got a little taller, thinned out, and changed the way I dressed. Before high school, I cared nothing about fashion, all of a sudden, I inundated my parents with requests for name-brand clothing.
By having this self loathing mentality, I could never see how people treated me. I kept believing that everyone in the world would treat me like those kids did in middle school. I lacked confidence in myself in every area except when it came to christianity. That was one area where no one could touch me. However a new struggle would await me.
Before puberty, I really didn't care much about girls or sex. I enjoyed reading, playing outside, and church. Now I had to deal with mixed messages: Messages from my body and messages from the Bible.
I started to become really attracted to girls, but my low self image and lack of confidence kept me from talking to them. This self deprecating became part of my personality. Even when I did successfully approach girl and get them interested, my negative mindset caused me to self sabotage any potential relationship. I justified the self sabotage, by saying that "I have to remain pure for jesus and save myself for marriage."
However I ended up having sex as a teen. Even with my negative self image, I was confident enough to meet someone who liked me and I liked her. After we had sex, I felt great, but super guilty.
I started to think of my natural sex drive as a curse from the devil. I started to pray that god would take it away from me, so I could be a vessel. I continued to excel with the bible teaching and started to feel like I had a special calling on my life. Yet, I totally disliked the fact that I was a sexual creature.
This low image of myself affected me for 21 years or a large portion of my life. This negative outlook played a role in my career choices, my relationships with people, and unfortunately my former marriage. I was sad most of the time, yet people would come to me for words of encouragement.
I was known in the body of christ as one who always had a "word". I would help and encourage people; their lives would make significant strides but my life would get continually worse. Physician, heal thyself! I would pray to god to take away these negative feelings, yet he never answered those prayers and I was left feeling more sad, more empty.
It wasn't until I started to question my faith that I started to see the dawn of a new day in my life. I am grateful for the professional counseling I received during my divorce that helped me see who I really was. I am also grateful for the countless hours in self-reflection that enabled me to reboot my life.
When I let go of god, I started to feel better and I started to see my sexuality as a natural part of who I am.
As I write these essays, they tell a particular part of what happened as I evolved past christianity and god concepts. There were so many processes that were occurring, I may never pinpoint everything that took place. What I do know is that I am a positive person today who lives to make the world a better place for those who will come after me.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Things you can do with your money instead of tithing
Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings. Ye are cursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me, even this whole nation.
-Malachi 3:8-9
I used to hear this scripture every Sunday before the congregation would erupt into cheering that god allowed them to keep 90% of the money they earned.
Although I don't understand why god needs money if:
The earth is the Lord's, and the fulness thereof; the world, and they that dwell therein.
-Psalm 24:1
Maybe he has to pay the light bill...nevertheless I have another list.
Things you can do with your money instead of tithing:
1. Get that gym membership you've been wanting
2. Hire a personal trainer
3. Keep it in your pocket
4. Spa day
5. Have an extra beauty shop appointment
6. Purchase tickets to an event you've been wanting to go to
7. Invest in the stock market
8. Go shopping
9. Put it in a high interest bearing savings account
10. Retirement fund
11. Kids college fund
12. Pay off debt
13. Take a vacation
Bonus example: If a person earns $4000 a month, their monthly tithe would equal $400. The extra $400 dollars a month would equal $4800 by the end of the year. Imagine what you could do with an 4800 extra dollars a year.
Monday, September 8, 2014
My Phoenix Saga
September 1st 2009:
I recently returned to MI after living a year in the South. I just got a gig teaching social studies, returning me to the classroom after a long hiatus. I was still dealing with the pain of my marriage ending in divorce a year earlier. I believed that my life, quite ragged and messy, needed to undergo a radical change. I looked in the mirror and did not like the reflection. I knew what had to be done.
I put my entire life under the proverbial microscope and realized that I carried around lots of things, ideas, that did not belong to me. I had various levels of programming that I finally began to see within myself. I did not want to keep that programming intact, ergo I decided to destroy myself and start over again. In other words, I started the process of recreating myself.
Like the story of the phoenix bird that crashed into its nest, completely engulfed in flames, only to be reborn anew, that became my ultimate goal: A total rebirth.
In order to do this I had to bring all of my beliefs into question. I began to reanalyze the hidden motivation behind ideas and thoughts that I held dear. I questioned my ideas about politics, religion, family, career, relationships, finances, fitness, and many other things.
This process, albeit quite difficult and draining, allowed me to see the truth about myself. I severely underachieved in my life because I wanted to conform to what others perceived about me. I was a yes man, doing things to make others happy, but sacrificing my internal voice in the process. The "me" that I dreamed about possessed great strength of character, integrity, and charisma. At times, I would show flashes of that in my life, but I would not have the psychological strength to maintain it. I would go back to my status quo.
In order to live as the man who had great strength of character, integrity, and charisma, I had to clean out my psyche of old ideas and motivations. By doing this, I made room for new goals and dreams to pursue.
A few major things happened, my political philosophies changed because I found ideas that truly fit me. Also my ideas about family, career, relationships, finances and fitness changed. The biggest change came with regards to my faith.
As I have stated before, my whole identity was tied into my Christian faith. People knew me as the scholarly and passionate believer in Jesus. I recognized that I did not get much return on investment for all those years I gave to Christianity. As a result of this process, I abandoned my Christian identity, leaving it on the bookshelf of my past. I discovered that the path of non belief worked better for me.
Five years and a whole lot of growth later, I find myself finally speaking out for reason and skepticism. I also find myself using the time I have on earth to make a positive difference in society.
I recently returned to MI after living a year in the South. I just got a gig teaching social studies, returning me to the classroom after a long hiatus. I was still dealing with the pain of my marriage ending in divorce a year earlier. I believed that my life, quite ragged and messy, needed to undergo a radical change. I looked in the mirror and did not like the reflection. I knew what had to be done.
I put my entire life under the proverbial microscope and realized that I carried around lots of things, ideas, that did not belong to me. I had various levels of programming that I finally began to see within myself. I did not want to keep that programming intact, ergo I decided to destroy myself and start over again. In other words, I started the process of recreating myself.
Like the story of the phoenix bird that crashed into its nest, completely engulfed in flames, only to be reborn anew, that became my ultimate goal: A total rebirth.
In order to do this I had to bring all of my beliefs into question. I began to reanalyze the hidden motivation behind ideas and thoughts that I held dear. I questioned my ideas about politics, religion, family, career, relationships, finances, fitness, and many other things.
This process, albeit quite difficult and draining, allowed me to see the truth about myself. I severely underachieved in my life because I wanted to conform to what others perceived about me. I was a yes man, doing things to make others happy, but sacrificing my internal voice in the process. The "me" that I dreamed about possessed great strength of character, integrity, and charisma. At times, I would show flashes of that in my life, but I would not have the psychological strength to maintain it. I would go back to my status quo.
In order to live as the man who had great strength of character, integrity, and charisma, I had to clean out my psyche of old ideas and motivations. By doing this, I made room for new goals and dreams to pursue.
A few major things happened, my political philosophies changed because I found ideas that truly fit me. Also my ideas about family, career, relationships, finances and fitness changed. The biggest change came with regards to my faith.
As I have stated before, my whole identity was tied into my Christian faith. People knew me as the scholarly and passionate believer in Jesus. I recognized that I did not get much return on investment for all those years I gave to Christianity. As a result of this process, I abandoned my Christian identity, leaving it on the bookshelf of my past. I discovered that the path of non belief worked better for me.
Five years and a whole lot of growth later, I find myself finally speaking out for reason and skepticism. I also find myself using the time I have on earth to make a positive difference in society.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Pt.5 Walking away From My Community
I left behind a culture, an identity, a community, and a way of life when I walked away from Christianity. I thought I was part of a progressive movement designed to help people grow and mature through the power of the good news of Jesus. I spent all of my life defending an institution and religion full of cliques, cliches, and contradictions.
I thought that our version of Christianity would be the one to win the world for Jesus because we were not steeped in any traditions. We were the Joshua generation who had the real and authentic. No longer did people have to settle for the counterfeit demonic secular culture of the world(diabolic mimicry 2.0)We had non-tradtional pastors, celebrities who were not ashamed to speak for the Lord,modern versions of scripture, we had holy hip-hoppers(that's who I was), we were tech savvy, and took the gospel outside of the four walls of the church. We were radicals for Christ.
I became all things to all people that I might save some. For those that used profanity, I would use profanity to reach them. I wanted them to see that the religion of the cross had modern day swag. People would say, "I hate church, and I would say, so do I." I would tell people that we have had enough church and religion, now it's time for Christ and relationship. I would tell them that God doesn't care about you going to church; the church is only a building. Jesus spent his time in the community, not in church. God cares about you getting into real fellowship with him. I truly wanted people to be free and I thought that this freedom only came though Christ Jesus.
Unfortunately, 21st Century Christianity uses the language of freedom without truly allow folks to exercise and practice it. It is still the same repressive religion that it has always been. It has new gloss on it, but the traditional ideas about family, sex, marriage, and lifestyle are the same. This religion also twists the meaning of freedom by telling individuals that being a slave to Christ gives one freedom.
The church that I went to had a saying: "Come as you are to the Lord, but don't stay as you are." The leadership wanted to see people conform to the fundamentalist dogma that the church taught. When folks begin to act free, the powers that be use shame to browbeat the people back into submission.
I thought that our version of Christianity would be the one to win the world for Jesus because we were not steeped in any traditions. We were the Joshua generation who had the real and authentic. No longer did people have to settle for the counterfeit demonic secular culture of the world(diabolic mimicry 2.0)We had non-tradtional pastors, celebrities who were not ashamed to speak for the Lord,modern versions of scripture, we had holy hip-hoppers(that's who I was), we were tech savvy, and took the gospel outside of the four walls of the church. We were radicals for Christ.
I became all things to all people that I might save some. For those that used profanity, I would use profanity to reach them. I wanted them to see that the religion of the cross had modern day swag. People would say, "I hate church, and I would say, so do I." I would tell people that we have had enough church and religion, now it's time for Christ and relationship. I would tell them that God doesn't care about you going to church; the church is only a building. Jesus spent his time in the community, not in church. God cares about you getting into real fellowship with him. I truly wanted people to be free and I thought that this freedom only came though Christ Jesus.
Unfortunately, 21st Century Christianity uses the language of freedom without truly allow folks to exercise and practice it. It is still the same repressive religion that it has always been. It has new gloss on it, but the traditional ideas about family, sex, marriage, and lifestyle are the same. This religion also twists the meaning of freedom by telling individuals that being a slave to Christ gives one freedom.
The church that I went to had a saying: "Come as you are to the Lord, but don't stay as you are." The leadership wanted to see people conform to the fundamentalist dogma that the church taught. When folks begin to act free, the powers that be use shame to browbeat the people back into submission.
Life is indeed more difficult without the support of the church community I came from. However, to live freely means, to be accountable to yourself for making the most out of your life. No longer do I have to depend on the machinations of a benign or malevolent deity playing chess with my life.
Bonus: Why is it when a person leaves the church, the person is at fault? When will the church assume accountability for leading folks astray and destroying lives?
Bonus: Why is it when a person leaves the church, the person is at fault? When will the church assume accountability for leading folks astray and destroying lives?
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