Shaming the Successful

In the Black American community, our culture has a definitive Christian undertone to it, due to 400 years of indoctrination and a violent separation from our indigenous African roots. This insidious aspect plays out when it comes to the role of the church in the community. Many in the Black community feel like they could not have made it without God. The narrative of historical oppression spoke of by family members coupled with the reality of racism that shows up in every day life, gives this particular view a life of its own. Songs with these refrains speak to this viewpoint:

"If it had not been for the Lord on my side, where would I be?"
"Never would have made it, never would have made it without You..."

This philosophy, reinforced through Sunday sermons and church Bible classes over generations, uses guilt theology to keep congregants believing this untruth. Ergo, any time a person reaches a particular milestone or accomplishment, they must preface their achievement by thanking God for giving them the ability to succeed. People commonly hear this refrain on award shows and after major sporting events where a Black celebrity achieves something great. Fellow community members become quite critical when a person does not acknowledge God for their success. They rebuke and shame the insolent Black folk who forgot or refuse to give props to God with these common phrases:

"You are getting beside yourself!"
"Don't you forget who you belong to, You belong to God!"

As a result of this, Black Christian people give God the majority of the credit for their success and sprinkle the rest to others who contributed to their endeavor. They take introspective looks at their lives and ascertain that only God made it possible for them to make it out.

This ideology also shows how Black folk identify with the Jewish protagonists in the Old Testament writings. They see themselves as a real life parallel to the oppressed people in the Exodus story. They hear their authentic cries of justice connecting with the cries of the Children of Israel in the Bible stories. The paltry few verses in the Bible that speak to equality and freedom joined with the secular idea of "all men being created equal" became the impetus for a struggle that continues this day.

As a freethinker, I recognize how my cultural heritage got intermingled with Christianity. I am thankful for the realization that I did not get here by myself. I stand on the shoulders of giants. Many people contributed to my success and I am grateful for them all. I now understand that God had absolutely nothing to do with it.

My Phoenix Saga

September 1st 2009:

I recently returned to MI after living a year in the South. I just got a gig teaching social studies, returning me to the classroom after a long hiatus. I was still dealing with the pain of my marriage ending in divorce a year earlier.  I believed that my life, quite ragged and messy, needed to undergo a radical change. I looked in the mirror and did not like the reflection. I knew what had to be done.

I put my entire life under the proverbial microscope and realized that I carried around lots of things, ideas, that did not belong to me. I had various levels of programming that I finally began to see within myself. I did not want to keep that programming intact, ergo I decided to destroy myself and start over again. In other words, I started the process of recreating myself.

Like the story of the phoenix bird that crashed into its nest, completely engulfed in flames, only to be reborn anew, that became my ultimate goal: A total rebirth.

In order to do this I had to bring all of my beliefs into question. I began to reanalyze the hidden motivation behind ideas and thoughts that I held dear. I questioned my ideas about politics, religion, family, career, relationships, finances, fitness, and many other things.

This process, albeit quite difficult and draining, allowed me to see the truth about myself. I severely underachieved in my life because I wanted to conform to what others perceived about me. I was a yes man, doing things to make others happy, but sacrificing my internal voice in the process. The "me" that I dreamed about possessed great strength of character, integrity, and charisma. At times, I would show flashes of that in my life, but I would not have the psychological strength to maintain it. I would go back to my status quo.

In order to live as the man who had great strength of character, integrity, and charisma, I had to clean out my psyche of old ideas and motivations. By doing this, I made room for new goals and dreams to pursue.

A few major things happened, my political philosophies changed because I found ideas that truly fit me. Also my ideas about family, career, relationships, finances and fitness changed. The biggest change came with regards to my faith.

As I have stated before, my whole identity was tied into my Christian faith. People knew me as the scholarly and passionate believer in Jesus. I recognized that I did not get much return on investment for all those years I gave to Christianity. As a result of this process, I abandoned my Christian identity, leaving it on the bookshelf of my past. I discovered that the path of non belief worked better for me.

Five years and a whole lot of growth later, I find myself finally speaking out for reason and skepticism. I also find myself using the time I have on earth to make a positive difference in society.

Problems with prayer

I used to pray "without ceasing" hoping and a-wishing for god to show up in my situation. Most of those prayers ended up unanswered. After my deconversion, I started to think about what drives people to pray. A classic christian definition for prayer states: Prayer is communion and communication with god. People speak, then god speaks. When ministers teach about prayer, they often tell the congregants that prayers are not valid unless you say "in Jesus name" before you end.

A 2006 study in the American Heart Journal determined that there was no difference in outcomes for people who were prayed for and those who weren't. My goal today focuses on what folks really hope to accomplish with prayer.

Let's start with a simple prayer and dissect it. "Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive. Bless the hands that prepared it and let it be nourishment for my body in Jesus name, amen."

The first part of the prayer: Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive, translates to
"Without you God, I would not be able to eat this food." This first line totally discounts the role of the grocery store, restaurant, or the one who prepared the food. Unless the food dropped out of the sky like manna from heaven, then why not at least thank god for the restaurant, supermarket, or the person who prepared the food.

The next part get really interesting: Bless the hands that prepared it, translates to, "God please make sure that the person handling my food before I got it did not have a communicable disease. If they did, please take it away. Also God please keep me safe, since I am paranoid that the devil will infect the food supply."

Here's the final part: "And let it be nourishment and strength for my body in Jesus name, amen." This translates into, "God, I can fill my body with fast food, carbonated high calorie drinks, and a dessert. I know that you will mystically bless that mess that I just put in my body. You will protect me from the consequences of my poor eating habits because I said the magic words...in jesus name, amen."

Here's my takeaway regarding prayer. People pray because they want god to violate the laws of nature for their own benefit. Folks want god to stack the deck in their favor in order for them to supposedly gain an advantage in a situation that they would not have. Even when individuals pray for someone else, the prayor still wants their prayers for the other person answered. 

In my opinion, this make prayer the most selfish thing a person can do. Life is tough and everything a person does involves a level of risk. People must determine what level of risk is acceptable based on the situation. Also, instead of praying for someone, I find a real tangible way to help them.

Nothing is wrong with gratitude. Instead of thanking an invisible, imaginary god for stuff, I thank real, breathing human beings for their assistance.

Source for 2006 intercessory prayer study: http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0002870305006496

Damn, I compromised my integrity!

Back in 2012, I began to realize the difficulties of swimming against the current. Although in this case, the current represented christianity. For most of my life, I identified as a believer in jesus christ and all of my social, professional, and familial relationships had connections through the church. To walk away from that significant network took courage, but down this new road of freedom, I found myself looking back.

As I stated in another post, I experienced great difficulty in the dating scene as a non-believing atheist. During the fall of 2012, I started to come up with reasons why I should go back to church. In the African-American community, the church has social, political, economic, as well as spiritual significance. I felt like I was missing a part of my cultural heritage, not to mention that the odds of finding a non-believing African-American woman in Metro Detroit were slim to none.

Maybe I could go back to church, for the cultural connectivity that it could provide and reject the spiritual parts.  I also felt like I would be more marketable to the ladies, if I could proudly say that I belonged to a church. I thought this through and decided to give it a chance. This gave me access to date some of the best and brightest Black women in Metro Detroit. Access that an educated Black Atheist Man would never have. In addition, I missed playing the organ, being a worship leader as well as being part of that community that I had great familiarity with.

Having grown up in church and been a worship leader for many years, I went back into my metaphorical christian closet and pulled out my jesus gear.(note:just because I no longer believe doesn't mean I forgot everything I knew about church and christianity) Although my dating prospects increased substantially from late 2012 through early 2014, I felt my integrity being compromised and I did nothing about it. I was glad to be accepted again because rejection sucks.

I started to fall back into my former christian ways, I began to read the bible again and even started back tithing. I knew that I could not return to my former fundamentalist christian ways, but I thought I could follow a more liberal view of christianity. I began to read books from Bishop John Shelby Spong, Marcus Borg, Bishop Carlton Pearson, and other liberal theologians. The irony is most of the women who I dated during this time were hardcore fundamentalist christians, so things still didn't really mesh. I would keep my views about sin, the devil, and hell to myself. Even though I went back, I still didn't believe in sin, satan, and eternal torment.

During the insanely brutal winter of 2014, I began to ask myself, "Is this really worth it to you? What have you gained by going back?"

I felt like I had lost touch with the freethinker that I had become back in 2010. Something needed to happen to shake me up. Thank goodness for the combination of a bad sermon and a grand display of christian ignorance about the scripture at church. These actions along with re-reading entries from this blog, reminded me why christianity is BS.

I wasted 18 months of my life and compromised my integrity dabbling again with christianity. I allowed the loneliness and difficulty of the path of freedom to muck with my emotions. However I am glad that I went back to church and christianity again. Now I realize that I have truly outgrown that infantile belief system and I am ready to truly see the world as it is.

Recently,I have met others on the path of freedom, ergo my journey doesn't feel like it felt before. It feels much, much better. In addition, I have the resolve to live my life to the fullest. I have added outdoor running to my exercise routine, and that clears my head each morning before leaving for work. I am committed to see this freethinking path through to the end of my life and educate folks along the way. Plus, I will expand my dating pool beyond where it is now,focus more on open-mindedness, common interests, and good old-fashioned chemistry.

Reflections of my former self

Recently, I reflected on my christian days and thought about how if my former self could see me now, he would be in total shock! I was a blood washed, tongue talking, prophesying, tithing, church attending christian. I had a strong bias against any belief that would "exalt itself against the knowledge of god." I thought I was being compassionate when I told people that "god has a plan for your life, accept jesus into your heart or face an eternity in hell!" Now that I have left my former life behind, I realize how nasty of a person I was for saying those things. I thought I was showing people the unconditional love of christ, but what I really did was alienate others from me.

Eventually, even as I became seemingly more tolerant as a christian, I still harbored those thoughts in my heart. I would tell people that all faiths are good to live with, but christianity is the only one that you could die with. I thought that my belief was superior to all others, even though I would smile and listen to others of a different religious tradition. I am remorseful for what I thought,said and did. I know that I was cruel to people by only pretending to understand where they were coming from because I thought I had the answers.

Now I work to embrace the differences that people have. The proverbial shoe now rests on the other foot because now I am the person whose non belief gets rejected by christians. I cannot change the fact that I damaged people with my stinking thinking, now I desire to give people the tools to discovering their personal freedom.

I used to think that living by faith in christ was freedom, but it was slavery to a doctrine that had no room for individuality. Now, I want to live in a world where the character of a person holds more weight than their beliefs about god.

Through this blog and my Facebook page, I desire to educate people about how to take steps away from religion. I want to assist people in discovering their freedom. Of course, freedom means different things to different people and I want to assist them on their journey through the words I write on this blog.

One thing that has remained constant within me throughout my life is the desire to help people. Deconversion did not destroy my passion to help others, if anything, I am more determined because my time on this earth will end. I need to make the best of the time I have left because there is no afterlife; this moment is all I have.

Finding love after your faith is gone Pt. 2

Once I walked away from the faith that I once loved with all of my might, I quickly discovered that the world no longer made sense in the way that it once did. The universe seemed to turn on its head. It felt like learning how to ride a bike again for the first time. The old rules that I lived by no longer applied to my current state of affairs. This feeling of awe mixed with slight trepidation made for an interesting learning process in every area of my life. 

As a Christian I knew exactly what kind of woman I wanted to have a romantic relationship with: A Proverbs 31 woman. In modern Christianity, this chapter epitomizes what kind of woman every Christian man would want to have. However now that I am no longer a Christian, I was left with a quandary of sorts: What kind of woman would I want to have a relationship with now? I felt a bit disoriented, but in a good way because I was breaking free from more diabolical Christian programming.

Having a strong, virtuous, Christian woman used to take precedence when I looked for a potential love interest. Even after my deconversion, I still tried to date strong Christian woman, but my atheist label would send them heading for the proverbial hills. I continued to try and date Christian women because I naively believed that I would be judged on the content of my character and not the basis of my non belief.

According to a 2007 survey by the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion & Public Life, 83 percent of African-Americans identify as Christian. Ergo, I figured that it would be easier to find an open-minded Black Christian woman. My experiences speak to the contrary, and I was most definitely judged by the basis of my non belief. Part of the reason that I tried to date these women was because I was looking for validation and acceptance due to the fact that the larger society has major issues with the non belief community. I desired to see the agape love in action, but alas, so-called agape love doesn't apply to a christian-non christian romantic relationship. After getting dissed, time and time again, I decided to take a stand.

I have finally given up on dating Christians. I also no longer feel for validation with regards to my secular humanist view of the world. Folks will accept me for who I am and folks will reject me for who I am. My focus remains on living in the present moment. If someone significant comes during that moment, wonderful! Most importantly, I accept and love myself. Indeed, loving yourself is the greatest love of all. 

Wasting your life away waiting...

One of the biggest issues I have with 21st Century Christianity deals with how it focuses on living for the future as opposed to living in the present moment. The doctrine teaches things such as god has a special plan for your life, god will exalt you in due time, if you don't lose heart, your blessing is on the way, keep holding on until your your change comes, god is faithful to his promises.

While a person waits on these supposed promises, they believe that god will come through for them. When he doesn't, they have a built in excuse for god's failure to grant them their request. Christians usually say that god has something better for them or it is not time for them to have this particular blessing yet. These unfortunate souls waste their lives away waiting for future glory as opposed to living in the present. Instead of being passive about their lives, these folks need to be active in living.

For example, if someone desires better employment, they should put themselves in situations which can allow them to network(get help with a revamp of their resume,volunteer, join a professional group, etc.) instead of sitting on the sidelines of life waiting on a god who does not exist to give them something that they can get on their own.

Also, I must mention how some Christians will use the classic scripture about faith without works is dead when it comes to something that they want to do in the present. For things that they know they probably won't get, they go back to the pseudo-promises listed in the first paragraph.

We only have limited time to live before we expire. This time should be used to enjoy life and use our abilities to make it the best that we can. Putting our mental, physical, and emotional resources in a "god who never shows up or shows out", takes away the autonomy to live as we deem best.

Also, I have been gone for awhile, it's good to be back! I will let you know what I have been up to in future posts.

Trapped in the Closet Pt. 1-Telling my Parents

I have followed the path of reason now for about eighteen months. However I have only shared my deconversion with a few close family members. I have felt, to quote an R. Kelly song, "Trapped in the Closet." I come from a strong, close knit,christian family where I have many relatives who are pastors, evangelists, and church leaders. My parents are also ministry leaders. My mom is a preacher(who says she hasn't been called yet) and my father is a deacon. My parents are well respected in the baptist church community here in the Motor City.

So out of respect for my parents' notoriety, I have kept silent. Keeping silent has proven to be most difficult. When I would visit them, they would talk about god and how he sits on the throne. I would just nod my head. However, I would really want to say, "No he isn't because he does not exist in reality outside of your thoughts!" But I don't want any trouble or be accused of disrespecting the faith of my ancestors who trusted god.
My sister(who is a non-christian deist) advised me against telling my parents. She said the devastation could potentially send them to an early grave.

Let me give a bit of context. My parents reared and trained me to be a church leader, i.e. a pastor. I was giving speeches(mini sermons) at the age of five. By the time I reached eight, I was teaching bible lessons to adults and children. I was being prepped for church greatness. In my early twenties, I was chosen to go to Zimbabwe and perform christian rap at the World Baptist Alliance Youth Conference. Until 2007, I worked in church as a ministry leader, sunday school teacher, and director of the music ministry. My parents know that I no longer attend church, but they think it's just a phase...So for me to tell my parents, that I no longer believe would be difficult at best. What is even more difficult is sharing that I no longer believe any gods, christian or otherwise.

In my community(the African-American community) like in many other communities, folks don't attend church on a regular basis, but they believe in jesus and pray often. At a minimum, they believe in some type of higher intelligence that designed the universe and everything in it. christianity in the black community is tied to the legacy of slavery as well as the hope for freedom. To step away from that emotional baggage takes lots of courage. I am free from faith, but I fear; like many others who have similar stories, that I will lose the respect of my parents,, family, and loved ones. I know they will love me, but what good is love without respect?

Using a Dating Website as a Black Male Atheist

After ending a long term relationship in 2008, I started toying with the idea of getting on a dating website. After many months of having a basic profile, I decided to upgrade to the paid subscription. The first thing I noticed was that there were very few females who identified as atheist, and none of them were black. This didn't surprise me because I am the only black atheist I know. Many black women identified themselves as Christian who were looking for other Christians. I also ran into this phrase while reading their profiles, "He must believe in God or don't contact me..." The market for successful Black Men who are atheists is quite slim. Not surprisingly, my profile did not get a lot of hits. So I tried a different approach. I changed my "faith status" from atheist to spiritual not religious( I don't even know what that really means, but I think it is a catch all phrase to make some people feel good about no longer going to church) Once I made that change, my profile started blowing up, I was getting all types of winks, emails, and IM's from all over the place. Inevitably once I told them that I was faith-free, the conversation would go no further. I enjoyed getting all of the attention, but I wasn't being true to myself. So I put my status back to atheist and my page has become a barren wasteland.
I made a bet with a close relative(who is an ex christian, but more of a deist), that I would not be able to get a date due to my freedom from faith. She believes that women just want a good man, regardless of their beliefs. So far, we both are correct. If it is a person from my past, my faith-free lifestyle really doesn't matter. However, if it's a new person, then it's a BIG deal...often they will give me the polite cold shoulder. I usually don't bring up my humanistic values unless I see potential. It seem like it would be easier for me to say that I have a criminal record than it is for me to say, I just don't believe in your god, or any god for that matter.
I wonder have any of my fellow free thinkers have run into these challenges. I will talk more about dating in future blogs...