My Phoenix Saga

September 1st 2009:

I recently returned to MI after living a year in the South. I just got a gig teaching social studies, returning me to the classroom after a long hiatus. I was still dealing with the pain of my marriage ending in divorce a year earlier.  I believed that my life, quite ragged and messy, needed to undergo a radical change. I looked in the mirror and did not like the reflection. I knew what had to be done.

I put my entire life under the proverbial microscope and realized that I carried around lots of things, ideas, that did not belong to me. I had various levels of programming that I finally began to see within myself. I did not want to keep that programming intact, ergo I decided to destroy myself and start over again. In other words, I started the process of recreating myself.

Like the story of the phoenix bird that crashed into its nest, completely engulfed in flames, only to be reborn anew, that became my ultimate goal: A total rebirth.

In order to do this I had to bring all of my beliefs into question. I began to reanalyze the hidden motivation behind ideas and thoughts that I held dear. I questioned my ideas about politics, religion, family, career, relationships, finances, fitness, and many other things.

This process, albeit quite difficult and draining, allowed me to see the truth about myself. I severely underachieved in my life because I wanted to conform to what others perceived about me. I was a yes man, doing things to make others happy, but sacrificing my internal voice in the process. The "me" that I dreamed about possessed great strength of character, integrity, and charisma. At times, I would show flashes of that in my life, but I would not have the psychological strength to maintain it. I would go back to my status quo.

In order to live as the man who had great strength of character, integrity, and charisma, I had to clean out my psyche of old ideas and motivations. By doing this, I made room for new goals and dreams to pursue.

A few major things happened, my political philosophies changed because I found ideas that truly fit me. Also my ideas about family, career, relationships, finances and fitness changed. The biggest change came with regards to my faith.

As I have stated before, my whole identity was tied into my Christian faith. People knew me as the scholarly and passionate believer in Jesus. I recognized that I did not get much return on investment for all those years I gave to Christianity. As a result of this process, I abandoned my Christian identity, leaving it on the bookshelf of my past. I discovered that the path of non belief worked better for me.

Five years and a whole lot of growth later, I find myself finally speaking out for reason and skepticism. I also find myself using the time I have on earth to make a positive difference in society.

Can a person be good without god?

Can a person be good/righteous/altruistic/caring/kind without god? I answer with an emphatic"Yes!"

Theists, especially Christians espouse that people need god in order to be good/righteous/altruistic/caring/kind because humanity exists in a fallen state and only god can lift humanity out of its low place. They take goodness out of the natural world and place it in the spiritual world, thereby making goodness something that only god can measure. They believe that the human heart, full of wickedness and deceit, corrupts any innate goodness a person may have. Only through Jesus can a person overcome this wretched state of being.

This idea of the darkness of the human heart ties into the philosophy of original sin, first made popular by the 5th Century Christian theologian, Augustine. I will cover original sin in another post.

Even when Christians secede that one can be good without god, they retreat to this defense: "But good people, who are unsaved go to Hell everyday. It's not enough to be good, you need Jesus!" If a person needs Jesus to be kind, loving, and good, then their goodness should be questioned.

Christians also hide behind this defense: What is a person's motivation for doing good? If they are doing good for any other reason than glorifying god, their good deed is empty, vain. They also say it this way, Only what you do for Christ will last, everything else you do will fade away. As if the actions of a Christian will last eternally, what arrogance! Once again, Christians purport to know the motivation behind someones actions.

For those who don't know, altruism exists within the animal and humanity evolved to practice being good to each other. Of course, the sphere of who people exhibit goodness to expanded over the millennium. Originally it probably started with family, then tribal, then national, now internationally. Naturally, many other variables exist when it comes to how a person determine when to use their goodness.

However the question focuses on if goodness is possible without a need for a god to facilitate this process. Again I say,"Yes!"

Here are 10 ways a person can be good without god:

1. Volunteering for a cause that one is passionate about
2. Mentoring
3. Living with integrity
4. Speaking out against injustice
5. Not being wasteful with money, objects, actions, or time
6. Doing the best at whatever opportunities present themselves
7. Being true to the values that one holds
8. Practicing kindness every day
9. Looking at situations from another perspective in order to foster open dialogue
10. Live and love with passion and purpose

I live to be a benefit to others and I work each day to make the part of the world I live in a better place. If I can help one person through my life or my writing to be a better individual, then my living is not in vain.

The Genesis of My Deconversion Pt.1

My journey away from Christianity toward free thought came in phases as theological concepts that I once held as true began to collapse.

It started off simply with questioning the principle of tithing. I remember the scripture in the book of Malachi in the 3rd chapter..."Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings." I took that concept without any questions. I was taught that tithing in the modern era deals with giving 10% of your income. I was never sure if it was gross or net income. As I began going through my process, I decided to investigate tithing for my self. I discovered that the word tithes only appears 21 times in the Bible and in no case does it has to do with money. Tithing deals with produce and farm animals.  I felt a great sense of anger, guilt and dread because I was mislead and mislead others. I began to wonder if there were other errors or misinterpretations that I never questioned.

As I continued this journey,I saw a documentary on the History Channel about the Banned Books of the Bible. I wondered why I had never heard of these books before in church. These banned books had different ideas about the nature of God and the divinity of Jesus. This piqued my curiosity to investigate these texts for myself.

Most of these books were written before the Bible had it's final canonization. There were different gospels like the gospel of Judas, Peter, Philip, and Thomas. This revelation got me to wondering about an odd passage in the book of Jude:

"And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints, To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him."

I never remembered Enoch saying this in the book of Genesis. Where did this scripture quote come from? It came from the book of Enoch, a book that did not make into the final 66 books of the Bible.

I started to investigate further and discovered that the canonical gospels were not the oldest books in the New Testament, the writings of Paul were. Paul's first letter to the church at Thessalonica is the oldest book in the New Testament, written about 30-50 years after supposed crucifixion of Jesus(about 60-80 CE). The dates for the gospels come much later even well into the second century
(80-150 CE). Even the most conservative date estimates put the gospels at least 30 years after the supposed events occurred. The other books in the New Testament fall within the years of 80 CE-150 CE.

How can accuracy be maintained when most of the Roman world was illiterate? This began to bother me. Stories I heard before about God protecting the sanctity of his book throughout history began to ring hallow. I could no longer believe that.

In addition, I started reading books that discussed errors and contradictions in the Bible. I learned that entire passages like Mark 16:9-20 were not included in the oldest manuscripts. Plus there were no original manuscripts of the gospels written in the language that was spoken:Aramaic. There were only copies of copies of copies. The oldest of these copies only dates back to the second century; 100 years after the supposed death of Jesus.

During that same time period, all those countless gospels existed side by side with the ones that would make the final cut. This period of having multiple gospels would go on for another 200 years!

Then I found out that church leaders convened a meeting(4th Century Council of Nicea, in present day Turkey) to decide, among other things, which books would serve as the basis for a codified volume of scripture that would unify the various factions of the churches. So once again, I am supposed to believe that God gave wisdom to the church leaders to pick the books that were divinely inspired. I don't have enough faith for that.

The Gospel of Mark, reported to be the earliest written, did not have a virgin birth narrative. Neither did the Gospel of John the last gospel written among the canonical gospels. Also, Matthew and Luke, which both contained very different virgin birth narratives, borrowed heavily from Mark's Gospel. In addition, the supposed authors of these gospels would have already been dead when these gospels surfaced and they were written in Greek.

I started to ask many questions:How did Matthew know the intimate details of the messiah's birth? Who told him, if only Mary and Joseph were present? Why don't the details of the birth of Jesus match? And why are there four different resurrection account?

For the first time I started reading the Bible through the lens of reason versus the lens of faith. What I saw was a book that were full of stories and accounts that did not always make sense. I learned that the Bible was compiled over many centuries by many different authors, writing to diverse audiences, with various agendas in mind. It was not a cohesive book that came from heaven completed from Genesis to Revelation by the hand of God. It was a very flawed human book, full of errors, fables, and contradictions.

I used to be an avid apologist, defending the word of God and the faith. I knew that I could no longer defend either. My eyes became opened.

Atheism 101 Pt.3 What I Believe

When I started to embrace the word atheist, I began to notice how describing myself with that controversial label stopped dialogue with others. People easily became silent. I thought that folks would engage me in conversation, but they did not. I guess they thought the worst of me and my stance. Who knows?

What I gleaned from those awkward exchanges taught me how important a god concept remains to a large number of people in society. I used those situations to think about what I actually do believe in. My lack of belief in god does not make me an empty person, contrary to popular ideas. I believe in lots of things, just not god or the supernatural.

Here is a list of things I believe in:

1. I believe in the potential of all human beings.
2. I believe in freedom.
3. I believe in regular exercise and maintaining a healthy diet for good health.
4. I believe in now and living in the moment.
5. I believe in democracy.
6. Even after all of the atrocities committed by this country against its citizens and others, I still believe in the ideals of the United States of America.
7. I believe in my family.
8. I believe in having healthy relationships: familial, platonic, romantic.
9. I believe in mutual monogamy.
10. I believe in the Detroit Lions. It may take more faith to believe in them than in jesus.
11. I believe in the resurgence of my hometown, Detroit.
12. I believe that education can open doors for people.
13. I believe that power, authority, wealth, and influence should be used to help improve the lives of others.
14. I believe the arts can touch the psyche of people in a way that allows us to experience the sublime.
15. I believe that my life will have meaning.
16. I believe that when I die, I will simply cease to exist.

These three ideas describe me:
Atheist describes my lack of belief in the supernatural.

Agnostic describes my lack of knowledge in objectively measuring the supernatural.

Humanist describes my faith in humanity solving its problems without the need for perceived supernatural intervention. If we wait on god to fix the problems in the world, they will never get fixed. It is up to us to make the world a better place.

Damn, I compromised my integrity!

Back in 2012, I began to realize the difficulties of swimming against the current. Although in this case, the current represented christianity. For most of my life, I identified as a believer in jesus christ and all of my social, professional, and familial relationships had connections through the church. To walk away from that significant network took courage, but down this new road of freedom, I found myself looking back.

As I stated in another post, I experienced great difficulty in the dating scene as a non-believing atheist. During the fall of 2012, I started to come up with reasons why I should go back to church. In the African-American community, the church has social, political, economic, as well as spiritual significance. I felt like I was missing a part of my cultural heritage, not to mention that the odds of finding a non-believing African-American woman in Metro Detroit were slim to none.

Maybe I could go back to church, for the cultural connectivity that it could provide and reject the spiritual parts.  I also felt like I would be more marketable to the ladies, if I could proudly say that I belonged to a church. I thought this through and decided to give it a chance. This gave me access to date some of the best and brightest Black women in Metro Detroit. Access that an educated Black Atheist Man would never have. In addition, I missed playing the organ, being a worship leader as well as being part of that community that I had great familiarity with.

Having grown up in church and been a worship leader for many years, I went back into my metaphorical christian closet and pulled out my jesus gear.(note:just because I no longer believe doesn't mean I forgot everything I knew about church and christianity) Although my dating prospects increased substantially from late 2012 through early 2014, I felt my integrity being compromised and I did nothing about it. I was glad to be accepted again because rejection sucks.

I started to fall back into my former christian ways, I began to read the bible again and even started back tithing. I knew that I could not return to my former fundamentalist christian ways, but I thought I could follow a more liberal view of christianity. I began to read books from Bishop John Shelby Spong, Marcus Borg, Bishop Carlton Pearson, and other liberal theologians. The irony is most of the women who I dated during this time were hardcore fundamentalist christians, so things still didn't really mesh. I would keep my views about sin, the devil, and hell to myself. Even though I went back, I still didn't believe in sin, satan, and eternal torment.

During the insanely brutal winter of 2014, I began to ask myself, "Is this really worth it to you? What have you gained by going back?"

I felt like I had lost touch with the freethinker that I had become back in 2010. Something needed to happen to shake me up. Thank goodness for the combination of a bad sermon and a grand display of christian ignorance about the scripture at church. These actions along with re-reading entries from this blog, reminded me why christianity is BS.

I wasted 18 months of my life and compromised my integrity dabbling again with christianity. I allowed the loneliness and difficulty of the path of freedom to muck with my emotions. However I am glad that I went back to church and christianity again. Now I realize that I have truly outgrown that infantile belief system and I am ready to truly see the world as it is.

Recently,I have met others on the path of freedom, ergo my journey doesn't feel like it felt before. It feels much, much better. In addition, I have the resolve to live my life to the fullest. I have added outdoor running to my exercise routine, and that clears my head each morning before leaving for work. I am committed to see this freethinking path through to the end of my life and educate folks along the way. Plus, I will expand my dating pool beyond where it is now,focus more on open-mindedness, common interests, and good old-fashioned chemistry.

My top 10 reasons for living god-free

I usually do not like doing top ten lists but I am feeling one today. So here goes...

My top ten reasons for living god-free(in no particular order)

1. No more fear of going to hell because hell does not exist(and neither does heaven)
2. Instead of wasting time praying, I can put my energy into action
3. Extra money since I don't have to worry about being cursed for not tithing
4. I can help someone because it is the right thing to do, instead of doing it for spiritual browning points.
5. My steps are ordered by me and not by some imaginary otherworldly being
6. I walk by sight and have very little use for faith(except when it comes to my favorite football teams)
7. I am free to explore the world without an inherent christian bias
8. Sex without guilt
9. Peace of mind, knowing that my mind is not a battlefield between the holy spirit, satan, and the flesh
10. Making the most of my time on earth because once I die that's it.

Bonus: I can be in awe of the miracle of life that is me, understanding that I have descended from countless people, animals, and microorganisms until I get to compounds, elements, stardust, then perhaps...nothingness.

Reflections of my former self

Recently, I reflected on my christian days and thought about how if my former self could see me now, he would be in total shock! I was a blood washed, tongue talking, prophesying, tithing, church attending christian. I had a strong bias against any belief that would "exalt itself against the knowledge of god." I thought I was being compassionate when I told people that "god has a plan for your life, accept jesus into your heart or face an eternity in hell!" Now that I have left my former life behind, I realize how nasty of a person I was for saying those things. I thought I was showing people the unconditional love of christ, but what I really did was alienate others from me.

Eventually, even as I became seemingly more tolerant as a christian, I still harbored those thoughts in my heart. I would tell people that all faiths are good to live with, but christianity is the only one that you could die with. I thought that my belief was superior to all others, even though I would smile and listen to others of a different religious tradition. I am remorseful for what I thought,said and did. I know that I was cruel to people by only pretending to understand where they were coming from because I thought I had the answers.

Now I work to embrace the differences that people have. The proverbial shoe now rests on the other foot because now I am the person whose non belief gets rejected by christians. I cannot change the fact that I damaged people with my stinking thinking, now I desire to give people the tools to discovering their personal freedom.

I used to think that living by faith in christ was freedom, but it was slavery to a doctrine that had no room for individuality. Now, I want to live in a world where the character of a person holds more weight than their beliefs about god.

Through this blog and my Facebook page, I desire to educate people about how to take steps away from religion. I want to assist people in discovering their freedom. Of course, freedom means different things to different people and I want to assist them on their journey through the words I write on this blog.

One thing that has remained constant within me throughout my life is the desire to help people. Deconversion did not destroy my passion to help others, if anything, I am more determined because my time on this earth will end. I need to make the best of the time I have left because there is no afterlife; this moment is all I have.

Finding love after your faith is gone Pt. 2

Once I walked away from the faith that I once loved with all of my might, I quickly discovered that the world no longer made sense in the way that it once did. The universe seemed to turn on its head. It felt like learning how to ride a bike again for the first time. The old rules that I lived by no longer applied to my current state of affairs. This feeling of awe mixed with slight trepidation made for an interesting learning process in every area of my life. 

As a Christian I knew exactly what kind of woman I wanted to have a romantic relationship with: A Proverbs 31 woman. In modern Christianity, this chapter epitomizes what kind of woman every Christian man would want to have. However now that I am no longer a Christian, I was left with a quandary of sorts: What kind of woman would I want to have a relationship with now? I felt a bit disoriented, but in a good way because I was breaking free from more diabolical Christian programming.

Having a strong, virtuous, Christian woman used to take precedence when I looked for a potential love interest. Even after my deconversion, I still tried to date strong Christian woman, but my atheist label would send them heading for the proverbial hills. I continued to try and date Christian women because I naively believed that I would be judged on the content of my character and not the basis of my non belief.

According to a 2007 survey by the Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion & Public Life, 83 percent of African-Americans identify as Christian. Ergo, I figured that it would be easier to find an open-minded Black Christian woman. My experiences speak to the contrary, and I was most definitely judged by the basis of my non belief. Part of the reason that I tried to date these women was because I was looking for validation and acceptance due to the fact that the larger society has major issues with the non belief community. I desired to see the agape love in action, but alas, so-called agape love doesn't apply to a christian-non christian romantic relationship. After getting dissed, time and time again, I decided to take a stand.

I have finally given up on dating Christians. I also no longer feel for validation with regards to my secular humanist view of the world. Folks will accept me for who I am and folks will reject me for who I am. My focus remains on living in the present moment. If someone significant comes during that moment, wonderful! Most importantly, I accept and love myself. Indeed, loving yourself is the greatest love of all. 

Using a Dating Website as a Black Male Atheist

After ending a long term relationship in 2008, I started toying with the idea of getting on a dating website. After many months of having a basic profile, I decided to upgrade to the paid subscription. The first thing I noticed was that there were very few females who identified as atheist, and none of them were black. This didn't surprise me because I am the only black atheist I know. Many black women identified themselves as Christian who were looking for other Christians. I also ran into this phrase while reading their profiles, "He must believe in God or don't contact me..." The market for successful Black Men who are atheists is quite slim. Not surprisingly, my profile did not get a lot of hits. So I tried a different approach. I changed my "faith status" from atheist to spiritual not religious( I don't even know what that really means, but I think it is a catch all phrase to make some people feel good about no longer going to church) Once I made that change, my profile started blowing up, I was getting all types of winks, emails, and IM's from all over the place. Inevitably once I told them that I was faith-free, the conversation would go no further. I enjoyed getting all of the attention, but I wasn't being true to myself. So I put my status back to atheist and my page has become a barren wasteland.
I made a bet with a close relative(who is an ex christian, but more of a deist), that I would not be able to get a date due to my freedom from faith. She believes that women just want a good man, regardless of their beliefs. So far, we both are correct. If it is a person from my past, my faith-free lifestyle really doesn't matter. However, if it's a new person, then it's a BIG deal...often they will give me the polite cold shoulder. I usually don't bring up my humanistic values unless I see potential. It seem like it would be easier for me to say that I have a criminal record than it is for me to say, I just don't believe in your god, or any god for that matter.
I wonder have any of my fellow free thinkers have run into these challenges. I will talk more about dating in future blogs...